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| Past the Fog |
| 06.19.05 (9:24 am) [edit] |
God has ALWAYS taken care of me. He has ALWAYS gone before me and after me in everything that has ever been in my life. I still see the results of terrible things, which I would have been in, but God took me under His wing and protected me from the danger I was about it face. Sometimes, we go through things that we think we can't bare. We look at those things like they are the end of the world. Sometimes we may experience hurts or disappointements, in which, we may have a hard time seeing the future positive outcome that results from them.
When I was 13 years old, I was so "in love" with Jerry (I mention him often. If you wanna read about my previous mentionings, then look under the November 2003 posts). I had grown up with him, and we were the best of friends. He is the one who taught me how to play video games. We would go over his grandmothers house afterschool everyday, to play and do our homework together. It was a wonderful relationship, and as I got older, I fell in love with him. Anywho, when I was 13, I found out that he was no longer a virgin, and to some of you, that may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. You don't just go give your body to someone because you think you "luv" them. Sex is for marriage, bottom line.
Years went on, and I'd hear tips and taps about him here and there, then just recently, I would out that he dropped out of school. Time went on, and Pink, Stan, and I saw him when we were on our way to Vawrey V's picnic in May. Today in church, Jan (owner of Nationott, my Beloved church mother) came up to me and said, "Did you see the news recently?" and I said, "No, why?" and she said, "I tried to call you over the weekend." I said, "What happend?" and she said, "Jerry got arrested for robbery." I was so shocked, and when I am shocked, I start laughing, and I have this sick smile on my face. I was far from happy, but I was SO shocked.
So, I get home, and my sister Mariah, who knew about the robbery the ENTIRE time, showed me the website with his picture on it, and the story. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe that he has just, not even fallen, but JUMPED down the wayside. He had a choice, and it's not like he didn't know the Way. He went to Nationott. We were taught. He has the sweetest grandmother that I have EVER met...He knows the Way.
So, it brings me to now. I sit here, type this to you, and wonder what happens next. How was it so easy for him to do such a thing? How can he bare ebing a disappointment to all of these people. One thing about this area is that, everyone at one point in time, has either attended Nationott. It's IMPOSSIBLE to go anywhere in this town and not expect to run into someone that you know. How could he jus be such a disappointment to all of the people that invested in him? How could he just numb is conscience and follow people? I don't understand. It may have something to do with temperament, but then again, it shouldn't. Life is not a rap video. Life is not about having tons of money, and jewelry. "I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold." What is money? What can money REALLY do for you?
Folks, please, live the correct life. Don't go along with what people says is right, but do what the Bible says is right. Do what God says is right. Don't let pride hand you a first class ticket to hell. Be humble, and focus on Jesus. Don't ever think that money will solve all of your problems. It's not true, and you will find yourself materially rich, but spiritually poor. Let God be your Provider. Stay close to Him. In Jesus Name...
Song of the day: I Will Praise Your Name Quote of the day: [i]“Sometimes, we cannot see pass the fog that we are living in, but when we look to Jesus, a greater clarity is obtained.”[/i] ~TrinaBinaBear
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| Divine Limitations |
| 06.13.05 (9:04 pm) [edit] |
June 13, 2005 8:06pm
I was talking to Liz today, and she said that she had gone to the mall to get some clothes for school (and she is going on Sunday). I said, “Well, what’s the problem?” and she said, “I can’t wear them. I have morals. I always said to myself, ‘When I get outta this house, I’m gonna wear whatever I want.’, but I can’t.” I said, “It’s because you are a Christian.” She said, “Well, yeah...I’m in the mall now taking them back.”
It got me to thinking, we, as Christians, can make as many plans as we want to, but that doesn’t mean that they will come to pass. While I was in Florida, I had AMPLE opportunity to go buck wild. I could have come back into the room at any time. I could have sleep in a room full of guys. I mean, the possibilities were endless. It all goes back to the well-known Proverb, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he gets old, he will not depart from it.” It’s so true. There are many things in my life that I have “planned” on doing. Sometimes we, as Christians, fail to remember that we do not belong to ourselves. God gave us His Spirit. We can only go so far with the “acting” out of our plans. Liz is 18 years old. She can pretty much do whatever she wants to do, except drink…but anyways, she has a lot of freedoms that she could take on, if she wanted to. The thing about it is that she CANNOT do anything she wants; because her conscience, which is from God, will tell her that what she is doing is wrong. We have limits. Life should be full of “good” limits so that we can enjoy it with good pleasure.
Song of the Day: A Heart Like Mine- Bryan Duncan
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| Worshipping God |
| 06.06.05 (10:10 pm) [edit] |
I was lying down on the couch a few minutes ago, and I turned to TBN. Donnie McClurkin was doing a worship session, (I would say "concert", but it was worship, so it wasn't a concert). He sang "Only You are Holy." The thing about it was that I remember hearing that song in church, and it is so beautiful, and it transports you into another realm. I had streams falling down my face, as I watched it.
There is something about worshipping God that just gives me this supernatural release. I [i]love[/i] God so much, and I [i]love[/i] worshipping Him. I long for it. A little earlier, I was flipping channels, and there was a movie on TvOne. A choir was singing in church, and I just got so happy. It was just a movie, I know, but I felt a sense of peace as I heard the music. Praise and worship should always be longer, in my opinion. There are hundreds of people in the sanctuary with me, [i]physically[/i]...but [i]spiritually[/i], and [i]intimately[/i], it's only me and God. I don't care how many people are there, it all comes down to me and Him.
Like on Sunday, while in worship, I said, "Oh God, it's just me and You in here." I meant it. No one is focused on anyone else. This is a personal thing. It doesn't matter who is there, or who you sit by, or how far you sit back or anything like that. It all boils down to you and God. You can't have a relationship with Him through other people. It's impossible! What merit does another person have that you don't? What makes them better than you? Wealth, social class, and physical appearance do not matter. That doesn't give anyone value. What truly gives quality of life, and of self is having a relationship with God, and striving to know Him more and more each day.
There were years when I didn't want to have anything to do with church. I had a fear come over me, in which I though that whenever I'd step into a church, everyone would look at me, and talk about how much of a hypocrite I was [for not being there before]. That was back in 2001. I didn't go again for five years. Then, this February, after months of being under Air's Girls Ministry, I knew that it was time. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that that first walk back into church was a piece of cake.
I was [b][u]INCREDIBLY[/u][/b] nervous, and shaky. I was being so irritable, and I wanted to throw up. But that service was the beginning to a new level. I'm so happy that I went. It's one of the best decisions I have ever made. We, as Christians cannot live in a box. Like PS says, "You can't be on an island in your seat." If we are supposed to me the light of the world, then how are we suppose to give illumination if we don't have oil? I know for many of us it is hard, but you can't just give up on "assembly." We need each other, and we all are apart of one body. How would you feel if you were missing an eye?
Search around for a good church. Make sure you feel comfortable there. Don't forsake being with other Christians in worship and service. Always take the time to be with God, and even if you don't think you will change, be persistant in your time with Him. Slowly, but surely, if you really want to please Him, you will change. It's miraculous how it happens.
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| A little older, a little wiser |
| 06.04.05 (8:17 pm) [edit] |
I'm older. I'm 18. Isn't that sick or what?! I remember being 4. I remember being 13. I remember turning 15. Wow, 18. That's something.
At one momment or another in life, everything that you have ever loved will reach a point, and you will see the circumstances of those things you loved. I saw them all in this past week. I've learned so many lessons in this past year. You can have a friend sitting right under your nose. God is truly the Author and this Finisher of our faith. He will order the steps of His people, and with me, allow me to avoid certain situations that aren't good for me in the present time, or ever. You eventually have to leave home, and hold your breath while jumping into the pool of life. Florida was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned that I can be on my own, and not die. I learned that if you fully trust in God, then He will completely take care of you. I learned that sometimes you just have to get away from familiarity, and suck up your pride. Sometimes you have to just let go, and enjoy the day. The list goes on and on.
This was the best year ever in my life. I had a great school year. I've grown as a person, and slowly, I am letting go of past fears that I have built up. I am becoming more outgoing. I am slowly on the path to recovery from alot of things that have happend to me or around me. I have learned that there will be special people in your life that will disappoint you. I have learned that those same special people can steal your heart, and no matter what they do, you will never stop loving them. I have learned that putting people on a pedistal is a BIG mistake, because they are human, and we all make mistakes. I have also learned that a change of scenery...the change in the midst of a season...when the leaves change colors, and slowly, the background changes again, and the snow slowly falls...is like medicine. Going through the motions day after day can drive anyone insane. It's best to enjoy life, live it correctly in God's sight, and think about the meaningful things, and everything will be peachy keen.
Readers, it's not over. It will never be over. Only a new chapter is about to be written. Only a new type of ink will be used to write the words. The characters will still be there, but only the ones who are true will stay. Catch that leaf the is falling from that tree. Look up to the gray sky, and reminisce on what blessings you have received, and what paths you could have taken, but are thankful that you didn't. Get paper, and write to that special friend. Make sure they know you love them as much as you know they love you. Don't live in the past, just keep a fresh memory of it. Don't get rid of your true friends, because you never know when they will bring a bucket of sunshine into your life. Enjoy the day. Play in the rain. Throw a snowball. Do cartwheels in the grass. It's not over readers. Oh no, it's not over...
Songs of the day: Matchbox 20's cd- Mad Season (The Burn, Mad season, Last Beautiful Girl); Bryan Duncan- Things are gonna change.
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